Hello January

31 January 2012

It's been an interesting month for me. It's a preview to my whole year actually. New beginnings. Fresh starts. New year's resolutions. It's a year of rebirth for me in many ways. January envisions all the things I want to do and accomplish this year so I'm off to a good start.

Aside from fulfilling my responsibilities as a full time mum and wife, I am also going to find myself this year. I am going to give myself some focus. I'm not going to enumerate my resolutions but they can be summed up in these words: simplify, explore, passion, inspire, learn, self, discover and flourish. I guess now that my age is almost off the calendar, I feel the need to be more - whatever that entails for me and my life.



I have decided to immerse myself to things that make me come alive, that inspire me, that light up that fire within, that bring out the passion for life and dig out the dreams I used to have. I have decided to stop sitting in the back seat and take control. I am making things happen one choice at a time.

I am excited for what this year has in store for me and I am going to share my journey in this blog.

What's your year going to be like?

Of Daydreams and Beaches

19 October 2011

I'm not really much of a beach person although I lived most of my life in a tropical country where beaches are some of the main attractions and are sought after by tourists. I remember going to beaches with family a lot when I was younger. It became less when we all lived in different cities; except for when I attended uni and spent weekends with friends on some islands in Cebu. Then I moved here to the flatlands where summer (what summer?) is mostly the time you go to the beach and enjoy the sun, sand and waves if there are any. It is always swamped with people, which is why I only ever went to the beach here once (9 years ago?) and actually wore a bikini. I hid under the big umbrella while my companions laid on their towels under the sun for hours to tan. And, yet, I still went home browner than they ever could be. It is always a source of entertainment every time we went away as they all sunbathed and I stayed in the shade, though I remembered a few times when I actually joined them and they made fun of me, joking that I must not be feeling well which I took in stride and secretly gloated as they admired my color after only a few hours.

So when we go back home for a holiday, I always make sure we spend time at the beach. The last time we did which was early this year, we had a family reunion. The guys decided to ride a banana boat and since there was one spot left and no one else wanted to come with, they asked me to join. I remembered the boat toppling over as I sank under water laughing and gasping for breath. It was one of the funnest and funniest things I have done this year. We were tears-run-down-your-cheeks-and-sides-hurt kind of laughing, screaming, bouncing and holding on for dear life while everyone else on the beach watched in mixed amusement and trepidation. I want to experience something like that again.



I find myself daydreaming a lot about the beach lately as it is getting colder and somber with the change of season. I imagine dipping my toes in the sand, listening to the crashing of the waves on the shore, looking over the horizon where the sun rises and sets, building sand castles, taking long walks along the beach with the water around my feet, combing the shores for shells and smooth flat pebbles in various shapes and colors, and lying on a hammock underneath the stars and the sky. It is one of my favorite happy places.

Tea & Sympathy

05 September 2011

Quiet. I long for quiet sometimes. You know, just to think and be.. with a big cup of tea for the cold rainy days like today.

But when I do have the time to myself, I am clueless what to do with it. I know, it's ironic isn't it? It just seems so new and different, and then I long for the rush of having to do something. I nap mostly when this happens.

Being a parent is a full-time job. Staying at home to take care of Maya is a joy I find very rewarding. It's not like I have many other interesting things to do anyway, but that's beside the point. Just.. there are times when I wish I could get away from it all even for a day. You know, to find myself in the midst of my everyday life because it's easy to get lost in the mundane of responsibilities and chores and whatever things that keep one busy. I am still learning to find that balance.

I am thankful, though, that Mike is a very hands-on Dad. When he gets home from work, he spends time with her so I can maybe cook or take a break. Sometimes I just watch them play together. It's one of those moments I wish I could capture what I see and feel. Pictures and videos simply don't give it justice, so I enjoy those moments as much as I can. Every time I hear and see them laugh at their own silly games, I feel my heart squeeze.. like tiny little hearts bursting out of my heart. That's what I feel. Some days it makes me tearful because it's too beautiful not to be touched by it. Other days, I join in and laugh with them. I like being a spectator in their father-daughter bonding.

Having Maya has changed my life. Incredibly. She brings me joy, a sense of purpose and being, and so much love I never thought I could possibly feel. It's been a crazy beautiful year and half - and I wouldn't change any of it. Ok, who am I kidding? I wish her sleeping habits were different. I hope it would improve, but we're working on that. Hello, first time parents and all!

Fleeting Summer

11 August 2011 I think summer skipped us this year. We only had two weeks of good summer weather since June and even that wasn't straight. It has been wet, windy and dreary ever since and in between sunny days. It reminds me a lot of autumn and, quite frankly, it's very uninspiring. Staying in has been more comforting and appealing than going out most days. It is frustrating, though, when the mood strikes and I want to capture beauty in the light and I'm confined inside because outside it's pouring and glum. Grey is not my favorite color. I want more sunshine!



But we have had a bit of sun last weekend and I took advantage of that by taking pictures. Flowers always make me go "aaaahhh" and sigh. They make me forget about my worries. They bring smiles and joy that resonate from within, like butterflies in your tummy. They are truly wonderful and beautiful things; even in their imperfection, they are perfect.



Sometimes it's easy to drown in our insecurities, the ugliness, the darkness, the failures, the mistakes, and all the bad things, but when you look around and see all the beauty that is there, the wonder of life and the magnificence of it all and everything in it, it makes you think and realize that life is too short and too beautiful to waste on such things.

It's like the nature's way of checking me, opening my eyes and making me reflect on things about myself like my habit of worrying too much, stewing on things and dwelling on them for a long time that cause me to miss out on the good stuff.

So this is me learning to keep a positive outlook and appreciating the good things in my life. This is me taking a step forward to change how I think and how I deal with things. This is me embracing the good, the beauty and the happy. This is me taking chances. This is me going on a journey - and one that I am willing to embark upon.

My Past Three Months in Pictures

16 June 2011 So this blog needs some dusting off. I have been neglectful, I know. It has been quite an eventful (and not so) couple of months, and I am only now feeling the itch to write about it.



We spent most of the month of April in the Philippines to visit family and friends, and for my family to finally meet Maya. It was one of the main reasons for our visit so my 96-year-old grandma could meet her great granddaughter. It was emotional seeing her again. Time definitely has changed her. But I'm thankful that she's still alive and healthy.

Went island hopping with mates from high school, ate out a lot, and spent loads of money on shopping and going out. I gained 5 kgs. in those four weeks doing nothing but eat, sleep and meet up with people!



We stayed in Davao where my family lives. Celebrated my 30th birthday there, too. Got a new haircut then cried a bucket of tears afterward. I did grow it for 4 years. *sniff*

Stayed for a couple of days in Manila and saw my bestie, Rex, after so many years. Bless him, he took days off to spend time with us. Gail, together with her husband Owen, also met up with us there. The last time I saw her prior to this meeting was in Cebu and that was a very long time ago! We're talking almost a decade here. Time surely flies eh. Also met up for the first time with the lovely Caryn. It was a fun afternoon of good food and conversations. Shame you weren't able to join us though, Toni.



We had a lot of dining in and out with family after we got back. Had some needed girl time with my friends and sister-in-law. Signed up for the gym again and have been trying to eat healthy and working on getting fit. Finally shed off the weight I gained during vacation within three weeks since we got back!

Mike and I also got some alone time while Maya was having a sleepover at her grandparents' and guess who cried the first night she was away? Me. Haha!



Got a new camera for mother's day, but I haven't really played much with it yet. I think it's a lot better than my old one, which got stolen from our luggage on our way back. Sigh. Even if it was broken, I wanted to keep it for sentimental value. It was my first dSLR after all.

I also volunteered for the charity my friend organized for Japan. The last event was during the Dunya Festival where I helped out with the kids making musical instruments out of recycled materials. But most of my days are spent taking care of Maya, playing with her and teaching her new things.

After we came back from our holiday, it was a challenge to get out of vacation mode. I am still not out of it really, but you can't take many breaks when you have a toddler to look after. I am loving being a stay-at-home-mom though. It gives me freedom while I relish the joy of seeing Maya grow but, I must admit, it can get a bit tiring and limiting too, especially when you want to do something else but don't really have the time. I am still not a fan of routines, personally, but she needs it.

So that's about it really. I made new friends and caught up with the old, and established better relationships with family.

I learned, I cried, I loved, I laughed and I grew up.

xoxo

A Splash of Colors Underneath the Grey

24 January 2011 To encourage my new-found determination to lose weight and learn to feel better about myself, I decided to add a little spice to this blog - at least for now until I find a new home for it - which includes some fashion inspiration and my own self expression through the clothes I wear. It's a bit unnerving to do since I'm currently in my fattest state yet - besides during my pregnancy, of course - but it helps me push through my goal of shedding a couple of kilos this year. I'm nothing but determined at this point since I will be hitting the big 3-0 in two months time. However, my current weight doesn't deter my love for dressing up, it just makes it more challenging since I have to dig through my closet to find clothes that would fit me.






I foresee lots of skirts, dresses and quite possibly shorts in the future. Oh, knee socks and maryjanes too! No longer am I going to sit and daydream about wearing certain outfits or refuse to dare wearing something that's not "in style" and trendy or playing it safe with comfy, I'm simply going to do it - fats and all. :)

Sick

29 December 2009 Was admitted to the hospital this afternoon due to bladder infection, fever and back pains after an almost hour-long intense chills. It happened while we were out walking to the metro station to meet up with some friends. That was an experience I don't want to relive again especially when I have B inside me to think about too. I wasn't worried about myself but her and it scared me so much because I couldn't control the chills and my belly was all so tensed the whole time. She didn't move until after an hour or so and we were already at the hospital and they were dragging me in a wheelchair.

I'm currently hooked up with an IV and antibiotics. I feel a bit groggy.

This is my first time to be admitted to a hospital. Good thing there's free wi-fi internet, I won't be bored.