These past two weeks have been a whirlwind of events but I'm glad now things are slowly getting back to normal. We've been home since Monday and, today is the first time that we're totally alone - just the three of us, and I must say it feels like we've been doing this for longer than five days. We've somewhat established a routine. Things can only get better from here, right?

Oh, I miss days like this! The peace and quiet. No one hovering or checking on you every hour. I was about to go crazy at the hospital and absolutely hated the nighttime when Mike had to leave when visiting hours were over. I have been longing to go home after staying there for 3.5 days but we booked to stay for 3 days at the kraamhotel (birthing hotel?) many months ago which followed the hospital stay so going home was further delayed. It's only here at home that I got to sleep for a straight 3 hours. Truly, there is no place like home.



Being a mom is one of the best things in the world. It's hard to explain or describe the feeling. Is it even a feeling? I just know that I feel complete.

You know what's funny? I have become an emotional sap after I gave birth to B but, during the whole pregnancy, I could count on one hand the times that I cried. I had an emotional meltdown when she came out. Then when I watched her sleep during her first night with me at the hospital and the nights that followed. Then when I found out she was losing weight because I didn't have enough breast milk yet. Then when the three of us were together for the first time day and night at the kraamhotel. Then when she had her heel shot. We'll both be a crying mess when she'll have more shots in a couple of months. I'm already dreading the day but it'll be for her good health.

I won't say that it's not difficult having a newborn in the house. There were times when she cried for an hour long and we're frustrated from the lack of sleep. It can get really tiring when she does this in the evening as most of our energy is spent. But just one look at her and all I can think of is it's all so worth it. It hurts how much we love her and now I can't imagine a life without her.

B was born at 5:45 on the morning of March 3, 2010.
Her real name is Maya Capri.
She weighed 2865 grams and was 52 cm in height.

She celebrates her first week today.



Welcome to the world, baby girl!
Seeing you finally is one of the best moments of our lives.
We are very proud and happy with you.
And, we love you oh so very much!

Happy first week, B!

P.S. That second photo wasn't choreographed. She did that herself.

You know those horror pregnancy stories of painful labors, different procedures and newborn baby mishaps? It never really bothered me. Not until today.

The first thing my midwife asked when she saw me this morning was, "When are you due again?" I told her on the 13th of March and that I'm ready for her to come out. She motioned for me to lie on the bed so she could check my belly, listen to B's heartbeat and feel if she's positioned well. She poked and felt around and said, "You're having a big baby!"

I laughed at her exclamation and thought nothing about it. In fact, I was happy B is a big healthy baby. But I felt a foreboding after she said that because her face turned serious and concentrated on feeling around my belly some more. Apparently, even though B is in a good position for a natural delivery, she's still sort of bouncing up and down. Her head should be more down to the mouth of the uterus but that is not the case; so she worried about it. She also worried that since I'm small and I'm having a big baby, I'll have a difficult delivery. If B doesn't cooperate by sticking her head where it should be when I'm about ready to deliver her, my midwife has half an hour to help me push her out and, if that doesn't work, the gynecologist will take over. If it takes too long and B doesn't come out, they'll use a vacuum pump as the next option. And if that doesn't work either, that's when they do a Caesarian. And, of course, that got me worried. I want to do it the natural way. I don't even want any shots.

Then came the stories of what to do when my water breaks and what to expect during labor. I'll spare you the details because there's too much organization going on about that here. You can't just go directly to the hospital and wait. That's not standard procedure here in NL unless you're a special case. This I knew before and was fine with it. But then she told us about an incident with a friend of hers who had her baby pumped out 11 times which resulted in a broken spine. That scared the hell out of me! It was enough to make me want to go to the Philippines and give birth there. I don't want them to pump her out if it could break her bones. It took a minute for me to distract myself from the mental image her story procured before I freaked out in her office. Good thing Mike and my mother-in-law were there. If I was alone, which was supposed to be the plan, I don't know what I would have felt and done. I'm appeasing myself now by thinking that maybe B isn't really ready to come out yet that's why her head isn't as low as expected but, when she is, she'll be the good little girl that she is and come out the natural way. Just no vacuum-pumping!

To top it off, my blood pressure was higher than normal and there's protein in my urine. I was sent to the hospital this afternoon for a blood sample, 4th blood pressure check, urine check and an ultrasound. The only thing they found was the protein in my urine which could be normal for many pregnancies. My blood is clear and my blood pressure is back to normal. There really wasn't much to tell about the ultrasound. They only wanted to see if she's growing good and if she's really as big as she is. We confirmed that she is, indeed, a girl. The gynecologist estimated her weight to be around 3500 to 4000 grams, but you never really know for sure until she comes out. It's a pretty heavy baby and I'm happy to know that all this baby bump weight is mostly her. I don't know how much I weighed when I was born but Mike was a 7 pounder. It wouldn't surprise me if B is on the heavy side, too.

The trip to the hospital was another story, though. The gynecologist didn't share the concerns my midwife had about B being big so that was a relief. I will have to go back there on Monday, just to be on the safe side, to have the same tests done. It was at least a positive end to a worrisome afternoon. But, even so, I'm still reeling from today's events and news which is normal, I guess. Writing about it helped and lifted some weight off my shoulders. I'm really hoping and praying that everything will be alright.

When my in-laws were over two weeks ago, we were discussing how many weeks I have left and that's when it occurred to me that I've been counting my pregnancy weeks on the wrong day! I was so sure I had six weeks when, in fact, I only have shy of five weeks left. Apparently, my math sucks. That one week difference shook me a bit to panic. "There's still so much to do!", was my constant mantra. Though, in actuality, everything is ready.



Aside from the feeling of lethargy in some months during the pregnancy, I haven't much to complain about. The first four, I felt some nausea but was not as unpleasant as having to throw up every time like many pregnant women experience. As far as I can remember, I've only done so three times. Then the nausea dissipated and I had to, sometimes, remind myself that I am pregnant because I didn't feel like I was. My bump started really showing at five months and it was almost like it grew bigger everyday from that point on.

The second trimester was my favorite. It's when I felt her moving around and responding to things like sounds and light. My weight gain was normal as was my eating habit.

Then came the third trimester. Boy, did I gain weight! I was constantly hungry. Finding a good position to sleep was also getting more difficult by the week and, as my belly continued to grow, my breathing also started getting affected especially when lying down. Now I have swollen hands and feet. I can't even zip my loose high boots anymore. My right wrist hurts and my hands cramp up when I wash the dishes.

The first time I saw my swollen feet, I cried and felt stupid for crying. It felt so strange to see it so puffy. My toes were pudgy and seemed shorter. Mike woke up with me looking at them with tears in my eyes and he helped me lie down and massaged them until I fell back to sleep. Such nights, I thank God to have a husband who would wake up at 3 a.m. to ease my cramping leg or give me a back rub when he hears me groan in pain and make sure I sleep before he does. And he had to wake up at six to go to work.

They were not joking about the pregnancy dark spots like in the neck, underarms, even the "singit" :(. When I talked about it with my mom, she assured me they will go away. I really should hope so! And the warts - they're all around my neck! I'm going to have to make a trip to the dermatologist sometime this year.

But, besides all these things, I am extremely happy. I do not regret being pregnant nor do I resent it changing my body. I love it, warts and all! The experience itself is something not easy to describe unless you experience it yourself. It's chock full of wonderful, almost euphoric. All I know is that I will definitely miss the feeling. It's a natural high.



The bags have already been packed for three weeks. Surprisingly this time, I was not cramming. I have to be honest and say I'm about ready to pop her out. I'm close to slipping to telling what her name is going to be. I want to see what she looks like - if she has my hair and Mike's eyes or if she's going to be tall and fair skinned. I just can't wait to see her. As odd as it may sound, I'm even excited for the labor. I'm not anxious about the pain, not really. I guess it helps to anticipate it and to know that it's part of the whole birthing process. Many women have undergone and got through it so why can't I?



What I'm anxious about, however, is when she actually gets here and I have to take care of her. I worry that I'll be bad at it or that I'll fail at so many things. What if I drop her? What if I squeeze her too much? I can't even think about giving her a bath because the thought alone freaks me out. I have no real experience with babies besides babysitting my nieces for an hour or two which was basically just putting them to sleep. I'm scared but, at the same time, excited.

I'm one day short to 34 weeks and I'm freaking out a little bit, in a good kind of way. At least I think so. Like I'm obsessing over if she has enough clothes for the first month or two, making endless lists of things that have yet to be done, keeping things neat and tidy at all times, arranging and rearranging stuff, overworking the washing machine, ironing for three hours straight, shopping for more baby things... I'm nesting all right!



The other day while I made an inventory of things we already have for B, I realized I have yet to wash her clothes and blankets and towels. Cue: Freak out mode! But then, the panic subsided and was replaced by delight while I was separating the colors and whites. I couldn't help but gush over how cute and tiny they are. And, they're all white and pink! I kept them on our dining table for a few days to gush over some more. Be still my heart!

By now, I think Mike is tired of hearing me say, "look how tiny these socks are!" or "aren't they lovely?" or "they are soooooo cute!" or "she's so gonna love these!"

With the latter, he'd just pointedly look at me and I know what's on his mind. Yeah, like she would know what they are. And I'd say, "Okay then, I love them!" And we both laugh.



I'm so happy to have discovered my inner girly-girl a few years back. I have never, and I mean, NEVER imagined I would categorize pink as one of my favorite colors. Now, it's all I ever like!

The walls are wallpapered, the few pieces of furniture are assembled.. so basically, the BIG things are done in this small and pretty room. Hurray!



There will still be a few knick-knacks to hang on the walls like those framed images on the commode, perhaps a shelf with hooks, but I couldn't be bothered with them now. I'm just basking in joy that the important things are already taken cared of. It's such a relief! Now I can concentrate on the rest of the house that needs to be worked on (like our bedroom and the hallways) and, preparing for and enjoying this Christmas holiday.



I'm so in love with her room. Can you tell? It's so pretty and pink and girly. It has now become my happy room. I hope she doesn't turn out to be a boy because he would have to deal with a pink room and clothes until we move in to a new house and we get to buy him baby boy things. That would be quite a story to tell. Haha!

I have quite a few projects to tackle as soon as Christmas is over. There will be lots of sewing for baby blankets and fabric essentials for her cradle which was originally Mike's. In the meantime, I'm trying to finish this crochet granny square blanket for her room. I only have to make a few more squares and connect them, and I can move on to making one for the living room. It's going to be a fun and busy winter for me.

~*~

Wallpaper - Belle Mini Roses (from Belle Rose series) and Plain Pink by Esta Homes
Furniture - Ikea Hensvik Series
B-Bump update

14 weeks today and it looks more like fat than a baby bump. This was taken tonight after dinner, so that could also be me being full.

We had our second appointment with my midwife this morning and got my blood test results. Everything is good; my blood pressure is normal and I didn't gain any weight yet. I don't know if the latter is good or bad but when my midwife checked on my belly to listen to the baby's heartbeat, the first thing she said was, "wow, you have a small belly". I worried that I'm not really showing yet but she comforted me by saying it is good that it's nothing to worry about and that it will come. I guess I'm just a tad impatient for that pregnant look; big bump and all. It will give me an excuse to wear tight-fitting clothes without feeling conscious that I look fat.

Good thing most of my clothes are roomy. I have dresses that can accommodate the bump when I get bigger. I'll most likely wear a lot of tights and long dress/shirts and layer for winter. It's gonna be an adventure choosing my wardrobe because I refuse to buy maternity clothes unless I really really need to.

-

Last Wednesday was the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat. Mike came home with a doppler his colleague was generous enough to lend us. We were beaming when we heard the fast thudding of our baby's heart and it still didn't sink into me how real all this is. I'm still waiting for that moment.

After the first 2 minutes, we decided to call our parents and have them listen. Mike connected it to the speaker since the thing came with headphones. He first called his mom who was on vacation in Scotland and then my mom who we woke up at 11:30 pm. I could only imagine their faces while I heard their ecstatic exclamations. It was a happy moment, that's for sure.

So during our appointment today, our midwife had the doppler ready and asked me to lie on the bed. Then she pressed on my belly a bit and, without much effort, located the baby's heartbeat. I was smiling the whole time but the look on her face when she probably expected a lot more than a quiet smile was funny to watch. She kept glancing back to Mike and me, expecting something. A verbal reaction? So I kept smiling while watching Mike tinker on his phone to record it. I can't even imagine what was going through her head then. It wasn't even long, probably a minute or two. So I decided to ease her mind by telling her that it wasn't the first time we heard the baby's heartbeat. I didn't watch her face when I said it as I was busy straightening up my pants, but she must have been relieved because she paused and looked at me in surprise so we told her we have a doppler at home. She smiled then and that was that.



This is a cut version. Lots of pauses in between as I've said she was a bit distracted while we were listening. But this is B and I'm going to refer to her as female. No more s/he or his/her stuff. And, no, we don't know the gender yet. I just want to refer to B as a girl. :)