This was the time when I was bold enough to get my hair dyed with a striking color. This was four years ago. They said I looked Japanese in this hairstyle and I got complimented a lot for it but my hair suffered from all the chemicals which took me two years to remedy. The red turned orange after a month so the fun was short-lived. It also cost an arm and leg to get it done but now I know what I look like with red hair. Will not do this again though. (I think!)

This was also my blemish-free and thin-eyebrows phase and ideal weight year.



Then I tried out having bangs again after soooooo many years. I used to dislike it when I was young but my mom insisted I get it because she didn't like seeing my face covered with hair. The hairdresser didn't think it was a good idea to get a thicker fringe because my hair split in the middle. My hair is thin so it didn't look good until it was long enough to set aside. I didn't want to argue with her so I kept mum and let her have her way.

The zits started appearing. Not subtly either! The scars are still there. *sigh* And the pounds started adding. This picture was taken in the city hall during my integration course graduation.


I've always had short hair since I was little. It was until I turned 20 when I decided to keep it long. My boyish haircuts were over and I was getting acquainted with my girly side. My goal was to have it reach my waistline and keep it braided but I never get to that. I always wanted a change so I had it chopped off and bleached then dyed red. It wasn't fun after that because as you can see on the right picture, the orange-y color remained (even after 3 black hair dye sessions and haircut) and I had major split-end problems so I had to cut it to shoulder length.

Now, I'm contemplating on getting a haircut - am still not sure which hairstyle to go for but I already have something in mind. Will show you once I've made up my mind and visit the hair salon.

Did you know that I shaved my head three times, had spikey and bob haircuts? Oh, yes! I was not so girly back then - friends who are not so up to date with me give me a hard time when they hear that I crochet and love pink. In their eyes, I'm a totally different person and I don't know if that's a good thing. lol My colors were black and dark blues - so opposite to what I like right now. I guess that's what marriage did to me. It turned me into the girl/woman that I am. :)

"Stop being who you were, and change into who you are." - Paolo Coelho (Closing Cycles)

I know that I have been writing about crafting and flea markets a lot lately but this is what my life is like for the past two months. And what's more, I am extremely happy; the kind of happiness that's effortlessly contagious and perpetual. Euphoric would very well describe it because I'm walking on cloud nine. It's not the same as being in-love, though they both induce the same feeling... it's more defined and concise. No vague questions or radical guesses. Just the overwhelming lightness.

After many years of seeking what I really want to do with my life while I threw away my parents' money on not-so-cheap tuition fees in the gutter, wasted precious years sulking, being depressed, rueful and shamefully unproductive, affected other people especially those I love with immense concerns about my well-being, lived in hate to those I thought would protect me, but instead, ruined me with their judgmental nature to escape from the reality of their unhappy lives, I can finally tell myself with utmost belief that I got a breakthrough. I don't blame myself any more. I make the most of my time doing what I love and being with the people I care about. I even plan to write to those I spent years hating because I already forgave them and send them my love. I am freed. And what comes with that is a more positive outlook in life, full of unlimited hopes and dreams, and believing that everything happens for a reason. All in God's time.

I have changed so quickly in a month. Unknowingly, I came to the understanding of accepting the lived chapters of my life will never be undone. They were choices and decisions I thought would be best for me during those times, or what would make me happy, or living in the moment kind of thing. I have, for the past 10 years, stood dormant behind that locked door that I know will never get opened again, wondering about the endless what ifs, should have and could have beens. It was a mental and emotional torture I brought upon myself because I was caught in an illusion. But I reached into a closure with very less efforts than I imagined. It just came. I don't know exactly when and how, it just happened. And I feel very light. No more heavy baggage. Just new empty suitcases to fill with the life that is to come.

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I dug through my old archives and thought I'd share this entry I wrote in August 2006. For years I have sought myself and what I really want to do with my life, at the same time battling issues of the past. It's been tough facing all the demons that's been lurking in the shadows of my mind but I'm glad I was brave enough to deal with them, let them out and shut the door.