Was admitted to the hospital this afternoon due to bladder infection, fever and back pains after an almost hour-long intense chills all over my body and we were out walking to the metro station when it happened on our way to watch Avatar with friends. All I could think about was, "I want to lie down when I'm feeling this way." The floor was very very tempting. That was an experience I don't want to relive again especially when I have B inside me to think about too. I wasn't worried about myself but her and it scared me so much because I couldn't control the chills and my belly was all so tensed the whole time. She didn't move until after an hour or so and we were already at the hospital and they were dragging me in a wheelchair.

I'm currently hooked up with an IV and antibiotics. I feel a bit groggy.

This is my first time to be admitted to a hospital. Good thing there's free wi-fi internet, I won't be bored.

Wow, where did all the time go? It's been over a month again without any updates. Getting back on the blogging groove has proven a bit difficult seeing as I'm not used to writing regularly anymore since my hiatus, but I'll keep trying amidst all the things going on in my life right now.

So, what's been up with me?

I'm still pregnant, 24 weeks and counting. Gained 5 kgs so far. And we're having a baby girl. She's currently kicking and nudging as I write this. She's very responsive to me. Just yesterday as I was speaking to her and said, "I love you B, I love you B" while caressing my bump, she gave me two huge kicks 3 seconds later. It's like she was telling me she loves me back. Prior to that she's been quiet and she didn't move after that either. There has been a couple of other incidents like that when she made her presence known. One night, I couldn't sleep and was so distressed I started to cry, she wouldn't stop kicking and it made me cry more because it felt like she was comforting me and saying, I'm here Mommy. I'm already so in love with her.

We're also busy with home maintenance (still - I know) and bought new furniture for the house and the nursery. We decided it's time for a new look for our living/dining room as I'm currently obsessed with having everything lighter and having more space so we got rid of our Tiffany lamps and dining set in exchange for something simpler, smaller and cheaper. I spent several hours a day browsing through Marktplaats to find good deals. It's addicting! Why should I buy new chairs for 35 euros each when I could get four of them for 10? What makes it even great, they're a lot sturdier and prettier too so I'm more than happy to have them. Our living/dining room now is mostly white (except for the walls and some old furniture) and has the modern meet shabby chic look going on. I just love it. It's still a work-in-progress though because there's still wall-painting that is yet to be done but that will have to wait until the nursery is finished. Our hallway is also stripped off the lime green wallpaper and is now stark white. It's busy and messy in Casa van Vliet but it'll be fulfilling when it's all done. And there's going to be lots and lots of pictures. I know I've been saying that but the perfectionist in me wants to have everything in place before I bombard this website with pictures plus taking photos isn't part of my agenda at the moment so it will have to wait.

I'm sad to say that I had to quit school. Sigh. I just couldn't handle the stress of everything right now. It doesn't help that I'm a worrier and I tend to over-think things so my stress levels had gone off the charts last month. It wasn't pretty. So we decided that it'd be best for me to just quit and focus my attention on preparing for B and things that have yet to be done here at home and stay as positive and stress-free as possible. It was the best choice and I don't regret it. I'm just sad because I liked my class and the routine. It was just poor timing.

What else...



Here's a picture of me, Mike and my cousin David from NY who visited us for a day two weeks ago during his week-long holiday.

Click THIS if you want to see the baby bump.

Yes, I decided to go to school and I couldn't regret the decision. In fact, I am very happy that I did despite not feeling up to waking up early in the morning now that it's starting to get gloomy and jackets are taken out of the closet. It gives me the excuse to dress up and mix and match my outfits as I've recently discovered that I actually own quite a number of clothes. Now I feel almost normal and not socially retarded.

One thing I enjoy in the mornings though is watching people on their way to work in their pressed suits and neat clothes, and students in their variety of funky and trendy outfits. I make up stories about them in my head while listening to my artist of the day on my beloved iPod. Some days I look at their faces and study their moods but most days, like today, I just check out what they're wearing. It's like looking through a live fashion magazine or watching a music video or a movie, only I'm actually part of the cast and it feels great to be a part of something even if it's as trivial as being a regular commuter. My 8 a.m subway ride is one of the most interesting parts of my day.

For the past weeks, I have been thinking about what to do with school since it's starting in less than two weeks and I have yet to come with a decision before things are official and papers are signed. My dilemma was; should I still do it knowing I will have to take months off in my third trimester and when the baby is born, and not knowing how I feel about going back shortly after the baby's here. I don't want to commit to something I might not be able to finish because that's something I am striving to really change. Granted that I'm not going to spend anything with the exception of the books and travel expenses as the government will pay for my tuition, I don't feel right taking advantage of that free money when someone else could take my spot and finish it on time.

When I first decided to go back to school early this year, it was a turning point in my life where I consciously took action to better myself. It was a promise I made to myself that I will take charge and stop moping around because opportunities don't come knocking on my door and for me to get somewhere, I have to take the steps. Language school was an alternative and a preparation until I can apply for university next year and study Psychology because by the time I decided to study, the program I wanted to apply for was already closed. Of course, like most good things, they come when you least expect them. Getting pregnant wasn't something I expected to experience at this point in my life when I had finally made choices to do something for myself. So now I have to reevaluate my priorities and weigh my options because I'm not only thinking for myself anymore. My top priority is getting through this pregnancy without any complications and devote my attention to the baby when s/he gets here.

I promise this blog isn't going to turn into a pregnancy one. I do have other things to share, it's just that this is going to be the highlight of my life for now and I don't have much energy to write as I'm tired and sleepy most of the time. Thank you for all your kind wishes, by the way. I intend to write my progress but, at the same time, write about everything else.

Speaking of, we went to Brussels 2 weekends ago for some much needed alone time away from home and it was great fun. I picked up my camera again and took lots of photos. I can't believe I barely touched it for a year! Shame on me. But yeah, that too will change. I'm inspired again and, since that well has been dry for a while, it feels great to get back into that mood. I really miss it. If you wish to see the photos, you can view them here. They speak for themselves and you'll see how we spent most of our time there.

Here are a few:

I have two new favorite bands: Hey Marseilles and The Weepies. Give them a listen if you haven't yet. They're really good. I'm in love with their music.

IKEA is where we spent our whole afternoon on Friday. We needed new things for the apartment as we're currently doing some home improvements. It's time for the change and we're making progress.

White is the new color theme of the house. It's almost blinding. Eh. But I like it.

I'm going back to Dutch school in September. It's giving me the school girl feeling I haven't had for a very long time. I'm looking forward to shop for school supplies and plan my first day of school outfit. Haha!

We watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince this afternoon. I liked the drama and the cinematography but I expected a bit more action. Seeing the characters again, I only blurted out "they look so different and old!" twice. I would have probably said it a lot more if I haven't seen the trailer recently. Maybe I need to watch it again to appreciate it more. However, it did make me want to re-read the last two books.

My current guilty pleasure is reading Twilight fanfiction online. I've been at it since December and, in the process, made some friends in the forums. It's amazing to "meet" brilliant and talented writers online and have them share their gift for free. If you are a Twilight fan who wants to give Twi-fanfiction a go, I highly recommend this story: Hydraulic Level 5. It's full of angst though and the characters are all human but the writing is just SO good, I can't resist sharing it. It's also a work in progress so, if you're not one to wait for updates, don't read it until it's done. I'll let you know.

I also recently joined Twitter and I'm still boggled as to what it's used for. It's cute though so I don't really mind.

So...

I'm slowly coming out of my winter and it's a refreshing change. The promise of good summer weather is lifting my mood some. My hands are itching to pick up the camera and paint the walls white, reorganize my life and write, write, write.

I'm embracing this; it's been a long while.

It's been way too long, huh? I think so, too. Time for me lately feels like water down the drain. It simply goes. I wake up, I eat, I sleep; it's a routine that I've kept up for months. I'm ashamed to admit that it's all I've ever really done.

My last entry wasn't meant to imply that I was going on a hiatus. I honestly didn't plan to take a break. It just occurred to me one day to keep my thoughts to myself - away from people and the internet - and this reborn blog doesn't exactly fit the mood that's been hovering me these past months. I didn't want to taint the happy and pretending otherwise will be a complete mockery. I don't want to lie.

I'm not so sure where I'm going with this or if I'm ever even going to keep this blog but I don't have it in me to let it go. I feel like a stranger to it right now to be honest and, though I hope someday I get to reacquaint myself to this colorful and playful side of me again, now isn't the time.

There are just some personal things I'm dealing with right now.