I know that I have been writing about crafting and flea markets a lot lately but this is what my life is like for the past two months. And what's more, I am extremely happy; the kind of happiness that's effortlessly contagious and perpetual. Euphoric would very well describe it because I'm walking on cloud nine. It's not the same as being in-love, though they both induce the same feeling... it's more defined and concise. No vague questions or radical guesses. Just the overwhelming lightness.
After many years of seeking what I really want to do with my life while I threw away my parents' money on not-so-cheap tuition fees in the gutter, wasted precious years sulking, being depressed, rueful and shamefully unproductive, affected other people especially those I love with immense concerns about my well-being, lived in hate to those I thought would protect me, but instead, ruined me with their judgmental nature to escape from the reality of their unhappy lives, I can finally tell myself with utmost belief that I got a breakthrough. I don't blame myself any more. I make the most of my time doing what I love and being with the people I care about. I even plan to write to those I spent years hating because I already forgave them and send them my love. I am freed. And what comes with that is a more positive outlook in life, full of unlimited hopes and dreams, and believing that everything happens for a reason. All in God's time.
I have changed so quickly in a month. Unknowingly, I came to the understanding of accepting the lived chapters of my life will never be undone. They were choices and decisions I thought would be best for me during those times, or what would make me happy, or living in the moment kind of thing. I have, for the past 10 years, stood dormant behind that locked door that I know will never get opened again, wondering about the endless what ifs, should have and could have beens. It was a mental and emotional torture I brought upon myself because I was caught in an illusion. But I reached into a closure with very less efforts than I imagined. It just came. I don't know exactly when and how, it just happened. And I feel very light. No more heavy baggage. Just new empty suitcases to fill with the life that is to come.
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I dug through my old archives and thought I'd share this entry I wrote in August 2006. For years I have sought myself and what I really want to do with my life, at the same time battling issues of the past. It's been tough facing all the demons that's been lurking in the shadows of my mind but I'm glad I was brave enough to deal with them, let them out and shut the door.
Posted in Reminiscing | Comments (4)
odette at June 02 2008 | 16:49 |
| very nicely written gracey! keep up the positive spirit! all the strength you will ever need is already in your heart. stay strong and happy!   Thanks Dette. I am trying to live up to it and surround myself with things that make me happy. After all, it is my choice to not dwell on the bad/negative but to see the good and keep positive. :) |
lois at June 02 2008 | 16:57 |
| you go gurl! lovin' that attitude. thanks for your email. will reply as soon as i get myself sorted out over here. so far so great! good job on the positive outlook! It is a feat but I must say it brings out the best in me. You know what and how much I've been through and I want to thank you for being there for me all these years. You are one of my true best friends! Enjoy your time with the fam and getting settled there. Write me whenever you can. Include your new address! :) |
Jess at June 02 2008 | 22:57 |
| That is a great outlook. I adopted a cynical attitude for many years and sometimes it's unexpected moments that can change you in a new direction :) Now I wouldn't say I'm super positive and upbeat now but at least now I try to surround myself with positive people and soak-up their energy. Thanks for sharing you post :) Yes! Positive people keep us inspired and loved and happy. Thank you for being one of them and I'm glad to have met you online. :) By the way, your giveaway loot will be posted this week! I've been very slow (lazy, more like it) in putting them together, so bear with me. |
toni at June 03 2008 | 17:18 |
| Lovely lovely epiphany. It's those moments that make us realize we're stronger than we think! |
