I wanted to be a Broadway Actress.

When I was younger, I was exposed to music and acting. I saw this picture of myself standing and singing in the middle of the adult choir. I was four then, I think. Mama has the picture. When I was a year or two older, I joined the church's kid's choir, and every year, we performed the kid's praise musicals. The musicals were mostly in December and it was always fun with costumes and memorizing lines and songs. We practiced during summer vacation and the weekends before the performances. The church became my second home.

I can't remember much about those periods but I do remember performing on stage and I was washing a cloth while singing with another girl who was doing exactly the same thing. We almost stopped to laugh because we produced a lot more bubbles than we're supposed to. We just looked at each other and snickered while still singing our parts. When my brothers joined the adult choir, I wanted to go with them. But I was too young then, they said. When I did get to join them a few years later, we sang every Sunday and performed Christmas Cantata in December. One time, our conductress gave me a solo which challenged my poor breathing technique because the song was composed of a long, continuous sequence of slurred notes, all in falsetto. There were no lyrics. I just sang 'ah'. And I sang that song thrice on stage.

Mama told me a few years ago that one time, they found me standing on their bed in front of the big mirror of their closet. Hairbrush in hand, I emoted and sang a song that I possibly made up. My parents were hiding behind the doorway curtain, laughing in quiet amusement as I performed my solo debut at a very early age. Haha. (How old was I then again, Mama? Four?)

While my weekends were fairly musical, my weeknights were spent studying and memorizing lines of my declamation pieces. I started declaiming when I was 7, up until I graduated grade school. I competed. I won. The stage was my life.

Sometime in the middle of all these, Ian introduced Miss Saigon to me. The first time we listened to it together was in my parents' bedroom. We laid down on the bed with our eyes closed, watching the whole performance in our heads. We laughed. We cried. We got goosebumps and held our breaths. It was sad and moving yet powerful at the same time. That's when I thought to myself, I want to be like Lea Salonga, the original Kim in the cast who is also a Filipina. I memorized all her solos. I sang them at home. I sang them at school. I sang them in the car. I sang them everywhere. I even sang them in my dreams.

* Click this to watch a video of Lea performing I'd Give My Life For You from Miss Saigon.

But school had to come first. The music, acting and sports were only activities. Hobbies were what they were, nothing more. So I went to school and finished nothing.

I wanted to be all those that you wrote except maybe for the vet because I didn't have good experiences with animals. But I did want to be a doctor, so that counts. I also wanted to be a singer/musician (Ha! I still do!), a teacher, a designer, a shop owner. I wanted to be a lot of things which brought me neither a degree nor a diploma because I was confused and didn't know what it really was that I wanted to be.

Now, here I am, a housewife. A pampered missus, more like. And I am still discovering myself, but I will get there. I know I will.



So, here's the good news!

I have decided to give the F-O-U-R of you, who commented on my previous entry, each a party favor. Because you were all game and always nice. Now all you have to do is give me your mailing address (if I don't have it yet) and your favorite colors, at least two.

Thanks for participating! I had a flash of nostalgia when I read them. T'was fun!

Claire at April 19 2008 | 22:57

Aww, that's a lovely story. I never really knew what I wanted to be growing up. So I never had the choice, I just went with the flow and still don't know what I want to do. I think you'd be great whatever you ended up doing anyway. And discovering yourself is always one huge fun part of life.. :) Thanks Claire! I think that's the thing with me, I stopped going with the flow that's why I got off course. Discovering oneself is indeed a huge fun part of life! :)

odette at April 20 2008 | 01:14

yey!!! i got a loot bag finally!!!! ;-) thanks gracey, that's a nice story. it's much better to pursue what you really like doing, where you're good at, like your crafting, and at the same time, you still have much time to do other things you like. at the end of the day, it's not those diplomas that will measure up a person's success. cheers to you! please send my loot to kj in dublin, i'm so excited for it! and for the color, i'd take anything! ;-) Thanks Dette! I know there is something for me, I know it and I can feel it. I just need to work hard to get there. Perseverance and patience I must have. Will send all the stuff to Dublin!

Jess at April 21 2008 | 03:23

Wow, you are so generous...winners all around! :) You had a much more creative childhood than myself with singing and acting. I was more a math & science nerd :P I'll email you my contact info. Thanks a bunch! It's my way of thank you for all the nice and sweet things you guys have done for me. Reading my crap and all. And being there ready with soothing words all the time. :) Oh, I was also a nerd! I'd never get over a test that I didn't ace. I studied everyday and I loved it!

Sleepyjane at April 21 2008 | 09:51

Oooh yay!! You're awesome Gracey! That was a wonderful post. :) Although I wouldn't mind being a pampered housewife one bit! ;) Haha, thank you! I will send your goodie bag with the rest of the stuff I'm sending you, ok? I don't mind being a pampered housewife at all. I just want something more than that. Something outside doing chores and errands. Something for myself. :)

toni at April 21 2008 | 19:50

Oh darn I missed it. I will be swifter next time. *L*

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