Today I discovered something about a friend and all I could think of is, it's not fair.
Then everything started revealing itself.
Suddenly I felt useless and totally unaccomplished.
I can't even open a wine bottle.
Seems like the world is conspiring on me, rubbing names and people's situations in my face showing what I don't have.
I feel so little and I'm jealous.
I'm jealous because I want it so much.
I want what they have, I've been dreaming about it.
It doesn't help that people keep putting that pressure on me.
It stings.
It stings like acid on an open wound.
There's no escaping from this reality.
There is just escaping from people.
It has been a rollercoaster ride.
And I'm exhausted.
I've already cried my eyes out.
I laid down and thought of the people I love.
And I cried some more.
I ache for them. For the pains they feel. For their sufferings. For the things they lack. For the things they have but do not enjoy. For having so little yet giving out so much. For getting less than what they deserve. For having to put up with responsibilities that aren't even theirs to take in the first place. For compromising despite their better judgment.
I carry with me a heavy load. But that's me. I tend to do that.
Because I empathize too much.
I think too much.
I suck in feelings, even those not of my own, like a sponge to water.
How I became like this, I do not know.
And today, I learned that Chablis tastes horrible.
Posted in Daily Madness | Comments (6)
odette at April 10 2008 | 03:01 |
| oh dear, i'm sorry to hear you feel like that right now. it's an awful feeling, and i wish i can do more than just say words. you're a wonderful, good person no one can put you down. i know in time your heart will heal and show you that despite all the setbacks and grim realities you perceived, life is still beautiful. {{{hugs}}} to you, and my prayers for God to comfort your heart.  |
SleepyJane at April 10 2008 | 09:18 |
| I'm sorry you're feeling so low, and I think that it's wonderful that you're so sensitive to other people's feelings. The world needs more people like you. You ARE a wonderful person! |
Jess at April 10 2008 | 14:34 |
| Don't be so hard on yourself and carry all this weight on your heart. Just know that you have much love and support from your family and friends to get you through any hard times :) |
Claire at April 11 2008 | 01:01 |
| **hugs** |
Mama at April 11 2008 | 06:30 |
| I don't understand...please email me or call me about all that you are going thru, unload them to God the HS. He is there with you gentlywaiting for you. Your friends are right, you are wonderful person and I am so proud of you!!!! I love you very much...tight hug for you! |
toni at April 16 2008 | 11:31 |
| You'll make it through this. *hugs* We don't have what we have for a reason. We just don't know what the reason is just yet so hold on. |
